It's Zeus, you Douche
by FondueIsDaBest13
Summary: Imagine The Lightning Thief, but instead of Percy, we get a typical Mary Sue - who is also named Mary Sue. Hilarity (and much else) is born. Crack!Fic, with a healthy dose of What The Heckles and maybe just a little bit of some other stuff, too.
1. It's Not a Fob Title-It's A Mary Sue!

It was a dark night.

A cool breeze granted the damp night with its presence as a beautiful girl stumbles into Camp Half-Blood, clearly exhausted. She was really beautiful – like, gold hair, and skinny but not anorexic skinny, and had on a Hipster brand really cute tee on with cute, uber expensive skinny jeans on. She makes her way to the closest building she can see – a big blue house.

Breathing heavy, she trips over the steps, and knocks on the door. After the sounds of muffled shuffling, an older man with a pot belly and leopard print shirt opens the door. He looks at the exhausted girl, and groans. "What do you want?" He said, sneering.

"WHERE IS MY BBY," The girl cries, actual tears made of – liquid rainbows? – sprang for her eyes.

This didn't faze Dionysus in the slightest. "Who _are_ you, you disgustingly gorgeous girl?"

"My name is Mary Sue," She sniffles, falling to her knees. "And my bae has been off Instagram for the past hour and I'm scared that he's cheating on me."

The god stands there, somewhat taken aback by this display of… perfectness. "…what."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

After Chiron came to check on what was taking Dionysus so long, he brought the girl into the meeting room. He quickly made her a cup of cocoa, and wrapped a dusty old blanket around her shoulders. Somehow, the rainbow tears didn't wash away the perfectly applied mascara. It somehow made her look… almost _perfect._

"Now, who are you again?" Chiron asked, standing next to the fire.

"I'm a minor god. I represent all that is perfect, and beautiful, but at the same time somehow a really well rounded character, and also a demigod," Mary Sue says, the back of her hand held daintily to her forehead. "But then Zeus kicked me off Olympus because he said all the reviewers thought I was rlly annoying and he thinks I stole his lightning bolt or something, but, like, really I just look rlly good and Aphrodite is jelly bc I'm better than her, ya kno? Even though she's my mom.

"So then he told me to come to this stupid camp. Which apparently doesn't even have _Wi-Fi._ I tried to update my hipster blog on Tumblr, but it said there wasn't any. Then I tried to text Uncle Hades even though he isn't my Uncle pictures earlier and there _wasn't even any service,"_ she said, hysterically.

"What form of monstrosity are you?" Dionysus asked, his face turned upwards as if she reeked of Tartarus. But she, like, didn't. It was just her perfect, Victoria's Secret perfume.

"If Zeus did send you here, I suppose we have to keep you… wait did you say steal the master bolt." Chiron said, looking at the girl with wide eyes.

"Yeah. But, like, only Zeus said I did. But, I, like, totally didn't. So will you like, please let me be here? Zeus wants me to stay here."

"Why would Zeus send you here if he thinks you have his Master Bolt?" Chiron asked, looking at the quizzically.

"Plot." Mary Sue replied.

"Are you serious? It's bad enough having to run a camp full of brats, much less _this."_ Dionysus said, pointing at Mary Sue.

"Excuse me!" Mary Sue exclaimed, getting up, her whole body radiating "A Typical OC". "I am not a brat! It's just a condition! Just like everyone on Tumblr has anxiety issues! Besides, Grandpa Zeus said so." Mary said smugly, a flash of light and the banging of thunder confirming the statement.

Chiron banged his head against the wall, sighing deeply before replying, "Before we stick you in with the Aphrodite kids, do you have any powers we need to know of?"

"Well, sometimes I fart rainbows. But I guess boys and sometimes girls just bc I'm that cute fall in love with me, like, all of the time," She said, chewing obnoxiously on a piece of Cupcake flavored gum that appeared out of nowhere.

"For the love of-"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Wht's up, Bishezszsz!1!1!" Mary Sue squealed as she barged into the Aphrodite cabin, with Chiron lugging her luggage (geddit) behind her. "I'm your new sister, Mary Sue!" She said, taking a selfie with each and every one of the groggily awakening Aphrodite Children.

"get thE FU-" A boy cursed, shoving his face into a pillow.

Mary hopped onto his bed, patting his head delicately. "Don't worry," She whispered, "you'll always be my bby."

"GET OFF ME," he said, shoving her off his bed.

"Where did you even get this luggage?" Chiron asked, throwing it onto a vacant bed, not receiving an answer.

Sighing, Chiron said "This is Mary Sue. She's your new cabin mate. Try not to kill her." Chiron quickly scampered out the door, wanting to get back to his Netflix and Chill session.

"Kawaii!" Mary squeaked, holding up her anime senpai peace sign.

At that point half the cabin was yelling at Mary. "It's two in the morning!" "I'm watching Glee! GET AWAY FROM ME." "I'm _trying_ to get some beauty sleep here!" The teenagers cried, until they where shushed by a beautiful girl with an unconfirmed hair color.

"Why don't we try to be nice for once, huh guys?" Selena said, a hint of annoyment in her tone. When all she was answered with was annoyed grunts, she yelled "Just go back to bed!" and flicked off the lights.

Selena turned to Mary. "So, it's Mary Sue, huh? That's an unfortunate name."

"What do you mean?" Mary said, jumping onto her bed. "I love the name Mary Sue. It, like, totally fits my personality, you kno?"

 _Oh. She's just another one of those idiots._ "I'll get someone to show you around tomorrow, Mary. It's pretty late." Selena said, making her way to her own bunk.

"Hey, I have a question," Mary said, head cocked to the side. "Are these cabins co-ed? Because all these guys are trying to get into bed with me. Which, like, is awesome, and if I snapchat my bae a picture of me in bed with shirtless guys he'll get super jelly."

Selena looked over, seeing almost all the boys trying to crawl into the bed. "Oh my gods! Guys! Go to your side of the room!"

The boys abided her council, walking off sadly with slumped backs. "Does that happen a lot?" Selena whispered after the boys went over to their side of the cabin.

"Like, _all_ the time! How did you know?!" Mary Sue yelled, just a little too loudly.

"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP AND KEEP ON INTERRUPTING GLEE I SWEAR I WILL HUNT DOWN YOUR FAMILY AND KILL THEM." A girl yelled.

Silence. And then after a moment –

"Kawaii!"

They spent the next hour trying to get the gleek off the new girl.

 _ **AN:**_ _There you go guys. A Mary Sue crack!fic. Have fun reading it. I sure know I had fun writing it. As always - I obviously don't PJO and any affiliating franchises that may appear later in this fic. Have yourselves a good day, I'm gonna head out of here._

 ** _/FondueIsDaBest13 2k15_**


	2. This Is An Unoriginal Chapter Name

After breakfast the next morning, a younger girl with blonde hair had shown up at the Aphrodite cabin, asking for Mary. "Hey, Mary, is it? My name is Annabeth, I'm a daughter of Athena. I'm gonna show you around today, okay?" The girl had said this all very slowly, as if Mary was really stupid.

"That's super Kawaii!" Mary Sue replied. It wasn't like Annabeth was wrong. Mary was still rlly booty-ful and perfect tho.

 ** _Opening Theme_**

"Over there is the Mess Hall, where you ate earlier – and down there is the beach, where we have Bar-Be-Q's or something every once and a while," Annabeth said in a monotone, trying to forget she was guiding the world's biggest idiot.

The heat was stifling – Annabeth was sweating through her shirt, while the girl somehow… _shone_ from the sweat, like, she radiated, or something. Annabeth was pretty sure that didn't happen, even if it was an Aphrodite kid. Annabeth had been at Camp Half-Blood long enough that Aphrodite girls sweat like pigs.

"And over there are the toilets," Annabeth said, pointing over to the Latrines. "Clarisse and her gang like to hang out there, so I wouldn't suggest going there in broad daylig – where _are you going?!_ " Annabeth exclaimed as Mary Sue skipped off towards the bathroom, loudly yelling "kawaii!"

Annabeth ran after the girl, but she only saw the back of Mary Sue's leg disappear into the bathroom. This wasn't good. Annabeth knew from experience that the Ares kids would literally tear someone like Mary Sue limb from limb.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mary Sue emerged from the toilet, greeted by a girl and two boys, who all looked like they could use a shower. "Ohhhhhh, hai guys! I'm Mary Sue! Aren't these bathrooms so, like, amazing?"

"I am going to shove your head in the toilet so hard, you little fag-" Clarisse snarled until one of her goons interrupted her.

"Hey, uh, boss, I don' mean nuthin' by this, but this fic is rated K+." He said in a heavy country accent.

"Fic? What – you know what, nevermind." Clarisse turned back to Mary, a nasty grin on her face.

"That jacket looks really kawaii on you!" Mary said, smiling as if she had no idea what was going to happen (which she unfortunately didn't).

Clarisse shoved Mary Sue back into the stall. Taking Mary's hair into her hand, Clarisse shoved Mary's head into the toilet, stopping not even an inch from the water. "You think you can insult my jacket, you little prissy bitc-"

"K+ CLARISSE!"

"Screw you, Dave!" Clarisse yelled over her shoulder. Turning back to Mary, she muttered, "Any last words?"

"Kawaii!"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mary's head had just been dumped into a toilet bowl full of water, but she still looked better then Aphrodite. Annabeth had arrived just a little too late, finding the girl almost drowning in the toilet bowl. Mary sat on the concrete floor, somehow unfazed by this development, taking selfies. Her hair had even somehow dried out in the .45 seconds she'd been out of the water.

"How do you do it?" Annabeth asked Mary Sue, honestly intrigued. "Is it just because you're just really stupid, or –"

"It's bc of my bae," Mary Sue said, pulling a duck face. "I haven't seen him in, like, forever, but we still like, chat sometimes."

"That answer makes no sense what so ever. But - what's his name?" Annabeth said, scooting closer to the girl.

"Gary Stu," Mary said, blowing a kiss into a camera.

"That explains a lot."

"He may, like, actually be back from Uncle Hades soon. Hadey took his soul to barter for the lightning bolt," Mary said, winking.

"wait what." Annabeth deadpanned.

"Lol yea everyone thinkx that I stole the lightning thing, but, I, like, didn't, so I probably have to go get it soon because my mom made me. That's why I'm here, like, to get training to go get it, or, like, something," Mary said this all without, like, any emotion.

"C-can you take me with you? I mean, if you get a quest?" Annabeth said, standing up. She offered her hand to Mary, who took it.

"Uh, yea, I guess." Mary Stu replied, texting someone and chewing on a piece of gum that came from nowhere.

"Thank you so much! It's been my dream to get out of this place," Annabeth said as they walked out of the bathrooms. "I mean, I love it here, but-"

"Whatever," Mary said, suddenly not feeling kawaii-ish. "And I have a question – what's a quest?"

Annabeth lost all liking she had taken to Mary. _This girl is hopeless._ "And over up there are the strawberry fields..."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

After some strawberry picking and Lava Wall climbing, Annabeth and Mary Sue finally made it back to the Aphrodite cabin. No one was back from their activities yet, so Mary Sue jumped into bed, and started scrolling through her Snapchat.

"horny dude, marriage proposal, ungly selfie, marriage proposal… oh look! It's my bf!" Mary Sue squealed. Quickly opening the snap, she only saw darkness and the caption _Come and get him – Hades._

"Meh." Mary sighed, quickly closing the snap. After a minute of this Annabeth, who was still standing in the door, cleared her throat. "Oh. You can go now," Mary said, glancing at Annabeth.

Annabeth sighed. "I'm leading Capture the Flag this Friday. I got the Aphrodite Cabin on my side. You better help out, okay Mary? Most of your other siblings don't." She said, looking pointedly at Mary.

"Whatever. What's even in it for me? I don't want it unless its kawaii. I mean, look at me. I don't really need to be anymore kawaii, do I. But it never hurts to be more kawaii," Mary Sue said, her phrasing even confusing the author.

"Well, I guess we trade dessert privileges and chores and stuff like that if we win…?" Annabeth said, still lingering in the doorway.

"Ew. Chores. I'll be there, I guess," Mary said, looking through her Twitter dash.

Annabeth toke this as a final dismissal, and headed back to her cabin.

 ** _Disclaimer:_**

 _Me: Can I-_

 _Rick: No._

 _Me: Okay._

 ** _AN:_** _This is self beta'd, so all mistakes do end up going to me. I Actually already posted a chapter today, but I actually really like this fic, so… not much else. Have yourselves a good day._

 ** _/FondueIsDaBest13_**


	3. Mary Sue - Part Time Ninja

Mary stood in the middle of a wall of straw dummies, with slash marks and arrows sticking out of each dummy. Annabeth and the rest of the Aphrodite and Athena kids stood in shock, mouths wide open. Mary Sue was casually strolling through her hipster Tumblr dash, chewing on yet another piece of magical gum.

"Mary… where did you learn to fight like that?" Selena asked, stepping cautiously towards the teen.

"I dunnah," Mary said, flipping her hair, taking selfies now. "I mean like, my dad is Ares or whatever, but, like, me and daddy have issues, ya kno? And besides, I'm just, like, good at everything."

"Wait – then how are you a demigod?" Malclom, Annabeth's step-brother asked.

"I dunnah. Just am, like, I guess."

Annabeth had been watching this carefully, and decided to finally do something. Walking up towards Mary, Annabeth took her phone, and threw it against the stadium wall, where it shattered into a million pieces. "O-M-GOODNESS! MY PHO - oh wait," Mary said, pulling another phone out of her back pocket.

"Wait – you carry _two_ phones?" Annabeth asked, scowling. "And aren't phones monster magnets?"

" _You_ own a phone, Annabeth."

"Shut up, Malcolm."

"I mean, I dunno," Mary Sue said in her default monotone. "I guess?"

"You are _the_ dumbest person I've ever met, but I'm Team Captain for this week's Capture the Flag, and you may just be helpful," Annabeth mused.

"Like, kawaii."

 ** _Opening Theme_**

"So, do I just, like, kill the other people, or…" Mary said as Annabeth was trying to strap Mary's armor onto her.

It was Friday night, and Annabeth had escorted Mary herself to the starting point for Capture the Flag, for Annabeth had feared Mary would trip over a root and kill herself. It wasn't like it was _that_ unlikely, Annabeth had argued with Malcolm.

"No, you don't kill them. Just, hurt them. But don't hospitalize them." Annabeth advised. Strapping the last bit of armor onto Mary Sue, she stepped back to admire her handiwork. "Is it too tight?"

"I dunnah. But does it make my butt look big?" Mary asked, striking a pose, looking into the camera on her phone to make sure the armor looked at least _decent._

"Your butt is fine. Now let's go catch up with everyone else before the games start," Annabeth said, running after the rest of the campers who had kindly ignored the duo, even though one of which was their captain.

"Fine," Mary Sue said, sassily waving her hair and somehow easily surpassing the running Annabeth and catching up with the other campers despite walking at a leisurely pace.

"How did you walk that fast?" Annabeth said once she had caught up with her.

"I'm just, like, perfect, you kno?"

"Campers!" Chiron called, stepping up to a platform, waiting for the teenagers to quiet down. "Let me lay down the rules for those of you who don't know. Your objective is to get the others team flag. Your team captain should have already told you a vague outline of your team's plan. Now – the winners doesn't have to do camp chores for the next week." Cheers and whoops followed this. "And those who do capture the flag get to be captain next Friday. Now, some other ground rules – no maiming, slashing, axing, slicing, dicing, twerking, balking, and, most importantly, no killing. I will be helping to heal those who are hurt - Do you understand?"

Most of the camp nodded, while Mary called out, "NO TWERKING?!"

"No."

"Kawaii!"

"The games will start in ten minutes – I expect the captains to explain to each camper what they are doing," Chiron said before he galloped to the healing tent.

Annabeth quickly grabbed Mary's arm and just said, "I'm going to go talk with the big kids, okay? Just remember, when Chiron blows the horn, go to that one spot in the creek, that I showed you earlier today, alright?"

"Kawaii!"

"That's good," Annabeth said before walking over to the circle of other, senior looking kids with grim expressions.

Mary waited. And waited. Checked Insta? Check. Snapchat? Check. Twitter? Che – Mary's notification checking spree was ended by the blow of Chiron's horn. Getting up, Mary stuffed her phone back in her pocket, saying, "Don't worry my bby. I will always love you, my, dearest, sweet phone. Brb."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mary stumbled through a bush into a clearing with a large pile of rocks in the middle, which looked suspiciously like deer poop. Taking a selfie to document the moment, Mary saw a flag on top of the bordures. "Kawaii!" She shouted, skipping up the rocks with unnatural grace.

"Hey, what tha –" Mary heard behind her. She turned to find two buff, strong guys standing at the base of the rocks, holding up spears. They waved their spears at her, and started to climb up the rocks towards her. "Get off!"

"Kawaii!" Mary shouted as she jumped from the top of the rock pile, drop kicking one of the dudes in the face. He yelled a curse and made a rude hand gesture to Mary as he fell, slamming against the ground.

The second boy looked at Mary in what seemed like fear. "Who are you?" The boy whispered in shock.

"I'm your worst nightmare – perfection," Mary declared, making the come-at-me-bruh hand sign. The boy growled, and flung the spear at Mary.

She quickly grabbed it in midair, turned around, and threw it back at the boy she had knocked to the ground, who was just coming to. It pinned the collar of his shirt to the ground, which was, like, totally on purpose.

The other boy just made a "WTF" face, and climbed up towards Mary. "Get ready for your worst nightmare," Mary said lightly, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Two Karate chops, seven rhino tranquillizers, six punches, three nerve pinches, and one ball-shattering knee later, Mary proudly took the flag and walked over the unconscious bodies of its two guards. Dusting off her hipster jacket, which had somehow appeared over her armor, Mary made her way to her side of the creek to go show Annabeth what she had found.

As she made her way over the creek, Annabeth was already there, holding a dagger, looking confused. "Oh, Mary, thank the gods! I thought you killed yourself tripping over a – is thAT THE FLAG." Annabeth exclaimed, jumping up and down for joy.

"Well, I, like, I guess. There are two guys back there tho that –" Mary was cut off by a giant, black dog jumping on top of her, trying to tear her to shreds.

"MARY!" Annabeth screamed. She jumped forward, stabbing the dog in the hide with her dagger. It sunk in, but the dog just shrugged Annabeth off.

"Don't worry Annabeth. I'm perfect, I got this." Mary said in a calm tone as the dog ripped into her side – which did nothing at all to her clothes or skin. Mary shoved the dog off her, kicking it in the face. It growled, barking at Mary. Mary quickly yelled something – Annabeth was pretty sure it was "HIYAHHHHH!" – and Karate chopped the dog in the neck.

The dog cowered, whimpering, almost pleading for mercy. As if Mary could read her thoughts, she said, "If you're looking for a new god – then look no further. I'm right here. _And I'm fresh out of mercy,"_ Mary said, whispering her last words. Mary jumped onto the dog, and – without any grace or technique whatsoever – hit it until it died.

Chiron and a few other campers arrived just as the last particles of dog sand faded away. "What in the name of Hebe herself is going on here?" Chiron asked. "We heard you scream Anabeth, and came as fast as we could. Are you okay?"

Annabeth stood slack jawed, staring at Mary, who was taking selfies again. "She… she just… she _killed a hellhound with her bare hands."_ Annabeth whispered.

"Oh, is that what it was? I thought it was, like, someone's pet." Mary said voice full of absolutely no emotion.

"And you just killed it thinking it was someone's pet?" Some random kid yelled from the back of Chiron's followers.

"uh, yeah. It was pretty freaking Kawaii."

"What's wrong with you?" Annabeth asked incredulously.

"Uh, like, nothing. I'm a Mary Sue, remember?"

"Oh my gods, you're a monster."

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _Just in case you forgot or you are all idiots, I just so happen not to own Percy Jackson._

 ** _AN:_** _This fic is still beta'd by me, so any mistakes = my fault. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. It's the longest chapter for this fic so far (which isn't saying too much, but still)._

 _I've decided to spice my AN's up. I am going to post the definition of a random word every chapter. Why? Because screw you._

 ** _Definition of The Chapter:_** _The word "_ _ **bae**_ _," which is usually used to describe someone who comes "_ _ **before anyone else**_ _," has a very different_ _ **meaning**_ _in Danish. It_ _ **means**_ _poop. To add insult to injury, it_ _ **means**_ _"bye" in Icelandic._

 _I hope you learned a lot from that. As always, Have yourselves a good day._

 ** _/FondueIsDaBest13_**


	4. The Oracle - Mary's Stoner Adventure!

They were back in the big house. Chiron had brought Annabeth and Mary there to question them further about the attack. Dionysus was supposed to be helping with the interrogating, but instead he was lazily flipping through a wine catalogue. The fire crackled in the background – nobody was sure why they had a fire going on in the middle of the summer, but it always seemed to be alight. So far, Chiron had already asked a range of questions – from what Mary's Kik was to exactly how tall Annabeth was.

"Mary, you need to go see the Oracle," Chiron said.

"Like, why?" Mary said, chewing on a piece of gum.

"Well, the Hellhound was obviously sent by Hades-"

"How do you know that?" Annabeth asked, cleaning her nails with her dagger.

"I just do. And since Zeus thinks you stole his Master Bolt, even if you didn't, Hades obviously stole it."

"How do you know that?"

"Shut up, Annabeth. Nobody likes a know-it-all."

"Point taken."

"Now, Mary," Chiron said, turning back to the girl in question. "Like I said, you need to go see the Oracle. She's up in the attic. Have fun."

"But, I, like, don't wanna." Mary complained.

"Go."

"Kawaii!"

 ** _Opening Theme_**

"Hello? Like, Miss Oracle lady?" Mary called as she climbed up the rickety ladder to the attic.

Stepping into the space, Mary's face turned in disgust. It was _super_ dusty, which wasn't good for her skin. Random, well, _things_ decorated the room. There was a jar of eyeballs in one corner, a giant – _was that a leg? –_ hung from the ceiling. A whole suit case full of talons and claws was on a table, along with more odds and ends everywhere. And, smack dab in the middle of the room, was a mummified hippy.

It was small and wrinkly – almost Annabeth's size. All sorts of tacky jewelry hung from her neck and arm, and her faded tie-dye shirt was enough for Mary to want to kill the mummy to put it out of its poor, unfashionable misery. Mary walked up to it, carefully trying not to step on any of the weird junk.

Hesitantly, Mary asked, "…Oracle?"

 _Sup Brah._

"SON OF A MONKEY'S UNCLE!" Mary shrieked, jumping away from the mummy, narrowly avoiding stepping on a battle axe.

 _Chill out, bruh. It's just me, your friendly neighborhood stoner – I mean Oracle._ A voice spoke in Mary's head. Which, unfortunately, _did_ sound like a twelve year-old stoner chick.

"Aren't you, like, give me a prophecy, or something?" Mary said, walking very cautiously back to the mummified girl.

 _I dunno. I'm, like, not that good at rhyming. I can just tell you what to do though._

'Kawaii!" Mary shouted, stepping closer to the girl. "What do I need to do?"

 _Go to, like, west. Sort of California area. Some dude will probably betray you when you thought they were a friend. Going to the Underworld would probably be helpful, but it's your life, you know? Do whatever you want. I ain't the government. Go live your life to the fullest._

"Thanks Stoner Oracle Mummy Girl!" Mary Sue said over her shoulder, skipping out of the room.

 _Anytime bruh. Hey – Want some weed for the road?_

"Like, totally."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Your oracle is, like, awesome. She gave me some weed. Do you all want some?" Mary yelled to the three waiting for her, inhaling a puff of smoke.

"Oh, I'll take one!" Dionysus said, looking up from his wine catalogue for the first time that evening.

"Give me that," Chiron muttered, taking all the smokes out of Mary's hand and mouth.

"Man, I feel like I'm floating on a cloud right now," Mary reminisced, flopping down into the seat next to Annabeth.

"How much of that did you smoke?" Annabeth asked, incredulous.

"Um, a lot. DO YOU SEE THAT KITTEN ANNABETH!? IT'S SHOOTING LASERS FROM IT'S EYES!" Mary yelled, stroking an imaginary giant cat. Darn it, kids these days and their drugs and hallucinations. Annabeth restrained the Mary as she crawled over her to pet the hallucination.

"Mary, focus – what did the oracle tell you? She usually speaks in riddles, so it's okay if you didn't understand all of i-"

"She said to go west, probably Cali, and that a friend might betray us. Idk what that means. The Oracle also said to go to the underworld, but she also told me that she wasn't in charge of me and it's my own life." Mary said matter of factly, sitting up straight.

"Oh. Okay. She usually isn't that to the point," Chiron said, impressed.

"Well, we smoked some week after too, so…"

"Dear Gaea what is _wrong_ with you?"

"Kawaii!"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Mary, meet Grover. Grover, Mary. He's going to be coming with us on our quest," Annabeth told Mary.

"H-H-H-H-Hi," Grover stuttered.

"You stutter."

"It's a co-con-con-condition."

"It's, like, annoying."

"Sc-sc-sc-screw you."

"Grover was the Satyr who brought me to camp, along with one of my friends a long time ago," Annabeth said.

They were at the Mess Hall, where they were given permission to sit together to discuss their quest. They would leave early tomorrow, so Annabeth decided they should lay out a game plan.

"Why, does, like, stutter-face have to come? Why not the hot dude with the scar from Hermes?" Mary said, jutting her head in the Hermes kid's general area.

"Because I've had a crush on him for years and he's going to be our secret antagonist," Annabeth explained, taking a bite of her salad.

"M-M-M-M-Makes sense."

"Shut up, Matsuda."

"S-s-s-s-s-sorry, Mary."

"Anyways –" Annabeth said, not bothering to tell Mary off for being a perfect jerk. "Argus – the dude with eyes all over him – will be taking us into New York, and we'll be supplied with money, but that's it. How do you think we can get to Cali?"

"W-w-w-w-we could take a plane." Grover suggested, biting into his Pepsi Can.

"I said to _shut up,_ didn't I Matsuda?"

"W-w-w-who is Matsuda?"

"Just, like, shut up Matsuda. You aren't kawaii."

Annabeth snapped her fingers. "I know! We could hitchhike there!"

"That's a kawaii idea Annabeth!" Mary shouted, hugging her.

"Daw, no, _your_ kawaii."

"I never said you're kawaii. Just the idea," Mary corrected Annabeth.

"A-a-aren't you a child of Athena, Annabeth?" Grover said nervously, playing with his curly hair, his gross wispy stoner beard fluffing in the wind.

"Yeah, why?" Annabeth asked, tilting her head.

"Then why are you so stupid?" Grover said, voice gaining confidence.

Mary threw her plate at Grover. "Shut up, Matsuda. Senpai is right. Hitchhiking is always the best way to go, no matter where your trying to go."

"I-i-i-i-I'm with a bunch of idiots."

"Kawaii! Oh, wait – you seem like the kind of person who'd enjoy some weed. The Oracle gave me some earlier. Wanna go walk on some clouds together?" Mary said, suddenly on the other side of the table and stroking Grover's hair.

"Oh my Lanta what is wrong – actually, some pot sounds pretty nice right now." Grover said.

"KAWAII!" Mary shouted, pulling a lighter and some weed out of her back pocket.

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _Get this – I still don't own this franchise, darn it._

 ** _AN:_** _Yo. Nothing today – expect for an update tomorrow, the four people who are following this fic (Who are mostly my friends). The quest will begin. Possibly some backstory – Idk yet. And, as always, I self-beta'd this, so any mistakes – just yell at me in the reviews. Also – PLEASE review. I know I sound a little beggy (which, I, you know, am), but it really help when people tell me what they did and didn't like about it. That way I can fix it and make it not suck. (Also, I swear I wasn't smoking any weed. I'm not ever sure how that came up.)_

 ** _Definition Of The Chapter:_** _A_ _ **Mary Sue**_ _is an original character in fan fiction, usually but not always female, who for one reason or another is deemed undesirable by fan critics. A character may be judged_ _ **Mary Sue**_ _if she is competent in too many areas, is physically attractive, and/or is viewed as admirable by other sympathetic characters._

 _So, our Mary isn't quite the perfect Mary Sue we thought she was. Oh well._

 ** _/FondueIsDaBest13 2k15_**


	5. Mary Sue and the Not Good Fight Scene

_Hey, uh, just a little note, I'd recommend listening to "Reapers", by Muse or "Defector", also by Muse, while reading this. Just a little side note._

It was seven in the morning, and Grover, Annabeth, and Mary Sue where standing on top of the hill leading out of camp, waiting for Argus to pull the van out. Argus was supposed to drive them into the city, where they would take a taxi over to a train station in New Jersey, and if all went well, switch trains in St. Louis, Denver, then finally get to L.A. The three had been supplied with backpacks, all stuffed with money, drachmas (the currency of the godly world), clothes, and anything else you could think of.

"You guys ready?" Annabeth asked, holding onto the straps of her backpack tightly.

"I-I-I-I guess," Grover said, nervously chewing on the straps of his backpack.

"Can I go back to sleep?" Mary said, not even holding onto her backpack. "It's, like, the middle of the night. Can't we go in the morning?"

"Mary. It's seven fifteen," Annabeth said, her tone sharp.

"Whatever," Mary muttered, deciding to read that Harry x Louie fic she had been reading.

An older teen, holding a pair of shoes, ran up to the trio. Breathing heavy, he said, "Hey, Anie."

A blush rose on Annabeth's cheeks. "H-hey, Luke."

Mary jumped up behind them, holding a sign that said "Lukabeth Confirmed 2k15". Luke and Annabeth ignored that. "Hey, Annabeth – I thought I should give you these shoes. I just happened to randomly find them in my trunk, and they sprout wings, so I thought you might like them."

"T-thanks," Annabeth said, her cheeks rubies.

"Alright, well, I have to go. You guys have fun, okay?" Luke said already running off, not waiting for an answer.

"Alright," Annabeth said dreamily.

"GURLLLLLLLLLLL," Mary snapped. "YOU WANNA DO INAPROPRIATE THINGS IN THE DARK OF NIGHT WITH HIM DON'T YOU?"

"Um –" her cheeks where of the reddest apples.

"THAT. IS. SO. KAWAII."

"L-L-Luke is kind of a jerk," Grover muttered.

Before any of the girls could respond, a short blast of a horn signaled the arrival of Argus.

"You guys ready?" Annabeth asked.

"Whatever."

"Let's go then," Annabeth said, stuffing the shoes into her backpack, and running down towards the van.

 ** _Opening Theme_**

With only a wave, Argus was gone, and the trio was alone. They were on some street – Mary wasn't quite paying attention. Annabeth was busy trying to flag down a taxi, and Grover was nervously chewing on an empty soda can he had found on the ground, sitting against some building.

Mary slid down next to Grover. "How does metal taste? Is it, like, iron-y tasting, or like taste like a penny, or the booty, or-" Mary asked, but was cut off when Grover held his finger to Mary's lips.

"I-I-I-I know that my stutter is already a-a-a-annoying most of the readers, but if yo-yo-you don't stop talking to me, I swear I w-will kill you. Go back to ta-ta-taking selfies." Grover said, a sharp tone in his eyes.

"Like, whatever. You weren't even that kawaii," Mary muttered, scooting away from Grover, trying to avoid the pigeon poop scattering the side walk.

"HEY! HEY YOU – YES YOU, YOU ANNOYING LITTLE YELLOW CAB. GET OVER HERE BEFORE I BEAT YOUR SORRY A-" Annabeth screamed at a taxi, motioning violently for it to come over her way.

The cab pulled up next to them. The three jumped in to the back. It smelled of mildew, that old people smell and your older brother's gym socks – basically really gross. They were almost ankle deep in trash – and to top it off, their driver was a shriveled, old hag of a lady with a biker jacket.

"Where can I take you honeys?" She asked with an almost evil smile on her face.

"The closest train station in Jersey," Annabeth said, all business.

"We're off to be kawaii," Mary added.

"That'll be about an hour or so away. Do you kiddos have that much cash?" The woman asked, her sickly-sweet smile making all the kids uneasy.

"I-I-I'm sure we have enough," Grover butted in.

"Alrighty then. You kids better hold on."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

20 minutes into their drive, they had just made it out of the city. The trio was all squished uncomfortably into the back. Grover took the time to take a nap, and Mary taking selfies. Annabeth, however, was formulating battle strategies in her mind.

After a moment, Annabeth, bored, saw the drivers information card. "Ms. Dodds, is it? That's a fun name."

Mary looked up from her selfie making, her face scrunched up in thought. "I've heard that name before… it was my bf's math teacher. He _hated_ her," Mary said, snapping when she identified the name.

The woman smiled – or, more accurately, bared her fangs. Since her teeth where actually growing into fangs. Her jacket became a pair of webby, bat-like wings, and her already long nails turned to talons. "I thought you three where the ones. NOW GIVE US THE BOLT!" She screamed, slamming the breaks as two other hags attacked the car from each side.

Grover abruptly awoke from his nap, and started blaring goat curses. Annabeth quickly opened her bag, trying to find her dagger, while Mary just calmly put her phone back in her pocket, and unbuckled her seat belt. "You've made a mistake, Harpy," Mary spat, jumping onto Ms. Dodds.

"I'M A FURY!"

Both Annabeth and Grover stopped when they say Mary go fist to fist – fist to claws? – with the hag. Before they could ogle any longer, the doors where ripped off, and Grover and Annabeth where both torn out of the vehicle.

A few swift punches and karate chops later, however, and Mary was sitting in a sandbox. Opening the door, Mary called out, "Do you guys need any help?"

"Does it _look_ like we need help?" Annabeth yelled, in a choke hold by one of the granny demons.

Mary, stepping out of the car, faced the fury that had Grover, who had fainted. Mary placed her hands on her hips, and a convenient blast of wind sent her hair flying majestically behind her. "My name is Mary Sue. I am the daughter of Aphrodite and Ares, yet still somehow a demigod. You do _not_ want to mess with me or my friends."

The fury behind Mary, the one holding Annabeth, ignored Annabeth repeatedly plunging her knife into it. "Give us the bolt, Girly," The it crackled.

"Our master wants it," The one in front of her croned.

"And we must do as he says!" They screamed in unison, dropping their captures, jumping onto Mary simultaneously.

Mary smiled. She quickly jumped to the side, somersaulting the fall. The furies stoped before they slammed into each other, turning back to Mary. Whips of fire appeared in their hands, and they started to walk up to Mary, flanking both sides.

Annabeth, who was creeping up behind one of them, holding her dagger high, made eye contact with Mary. They both nodded, and jumped at the hags.

Annabeth quickly plunged her dagger into the head of one, going down to the hilt. A terrible scream followed this, and the fury fell to the ground before disintegrating. Annabeth cackled in glee, kicking the sand. "OH, HOW YOU LIKE THAT, YOU LITTER BUGGER? YOU JUST DONE GOT YO' SELF ANNBETH'D-"

Mary and her fury exchanged blows for but a moment – a karate chop there, a whip slash here, a jab everywhere – and Mary had her own pile of sand. She glanced at Grover's unconscious body laying in the middle of the road. Sure was handy that no cars had driven by. "Annabeth, do you know what this means?" Mary asked.

"What?"

"We can make sand castles now."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

As Grover came too, the first thing he noticed was that the sun was going down. The second was that he had been lying on sun-heated gravel for – four or so hours? It was four-ish when the hags attacked… and the third thing he noticed was the gleeful shouts of teenage girls.

"W-W-W-What are you _doing?_ " Grover asked, seeing the girls making – sand angels?

"Making sand angels, it's _uber_ kawaii." Mary said matter-of-factly.

"What h-h-h-have I gotten myself I-In-Into? With you idiots?" Grover asked, standing up.

"Well, a, like, quest?" Mary said, now building a sand castle.

"Come on in, Grover. The sand feels nice today," Annabeth said, motioning for him to jump in.

"Th-that's the carcass of a fury that you're playing in, we're in th-th-the _middle of the fr-freaking road._ Ho-how hasn't anyone run over us yet?"

"Kawaii Magic!"

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _pretty obvious I don't own Percy Jackson._

 ** _AN:_** _I have been uploading daily this week, but I've decided on upload days – so expect a chapter every Saturday (or Sunday), and another every Wednesday (or Tuesday or Thursday). But mostly Saturday and Wednsday._

 ** _Definition Of The Chapter:_** _BF_

 _Noun_

 _informal_

 _noun:_ _ **BF**_ _; plural noun:_ _ **BFs**_ _; noun:_ _ **bf**_ _; plural noun:_ _ **bfs**_

 _a person's boyfriend._

 _"I've been dating my BF since January"_

 _2\. 2._ _a person's best friend._

 _"Lottie is my absolute BF"_

 _Thank you for that Google. I would also like to point out that Google's usage chart says it was mostly used in the 1800's? So idk what's up with that. This is self beta'd, and I'd like to apologize for the "action" scene (It isn't exactly for forte), and any other grammatical - or just plain old - mistakes. As always, Have yourselves a good day._

 ** _/FondueIsDaBest13, 2k15_**


	6. Medusa - Beer Brewer or Statue Maker?

"What's your favorite color?"

"Rainbow."

"Band?"

"One Direction."

"Book?"

" _Mary Sue – An Art,_ By FakeName Sillybruh."

"Fakename Sillybruh? Like Benedict Cucumberpatch?"

"Cumberbatch."

"C-can you guys _not even right now,"_ Grover whined, Dawdling behind the two girls. "It's the middle of the night, I'm hot, I-I'm hungry, a-and ti-ti-tired."

"Shut up, Matsuda," Mary said, not even glancing at Grover.

"A-Again with the M-M-Matsuda thing? Isn't he the idiot f-from Death Note?"

Mary stopped, wheeling around. "You did _not_ just call my senpai/bae/bby-kun an idiot."

"W-what are you even-"

"Hey, look! A… Booze Emporium, owned by Auntie Em. It looks open, let's go there," Annabeth interrupted, pointing to a dull, gray, waring concrete building, with but one light on. "I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"

 ** _Opening Theme_**

"Who wants some tea? Booze, perhaps?" The woman slurred, already shaking up a margarita.

After the trio had entered the store, they were quickly greeted by a tall woman, who's head was wrapped in a dark shawl, covering everything except her eyes and mouth. The kids, who looked uber tired, were quickly ushered in. The woman, who'd introduced herself as "Auntie Em", brought them to the back of the shop (Which was full of beer and other kind of alcoholic type stuff), into a some sort of break room, with soda dispensers, a bar, and a mini salad booth. The place had the faint smell of mildew and not very well kept bar. She was also very drunk.

"Ma'am, we're twelve," Annabeth said, sitting awkwardly on the concrete park bench they where told to sit on. "Or, at least – how old are you guys?"

"Tw-twenty-six."

"Fleventyteen."

"So, just a little too young for alcohol," Annabeth said, plastering an obviously fake smile to her face.

"Nonnnnnnsense," Auntie Em said, taking a swig of her margarita. "You're _neverrr_ too young for booze."

"Well, I'd rather not slur whenever I ta – Mary, what the heck are you doing?!" Annabeth exclaimed.

"What?" Mary said, looking up from her beer bottle. "It's only booze."

"C-can I have some?" Grover asked, looking at Mary expectantly.

"Shut up, Matsuda."

"Give me that-" Annabeth gritted, getting up. After a brief stuggle with Mary for the bottle, Annabeth threw the bottle against the wall, where it smashed.

"Heyyy! Don't be doin' that to good booze, ya hear?" Auntie Em slurred, wrapping her arm around Annabeth's shoulders, Annabeth immediately stiffing.

"I think we're gonna go now," Annabeth said, lightly taking the drunk Woman's arm off of her shoulder. "Right guys?"

"I-I-I'm hungry."

"Idk. This place, is, like, pretty kawaii."

"Yeah, we're going," Annabeth told Auntie Em, lightly stepping away from her.

"Why, I just _can't_ have freshly brewed Demigod wine run away from me like this. It's in high demand nowadays, and I suppose some Satyr whiskey wouldn't hurt…" The shawl-covered woman, mused, blocking the door out with her own body.

The gears in Annabeth's head clicked. "Em. Like M. Like _Medusa,"_ Annabeth said, moving away from her, the other two of their trio staring blankly, still sitting on the bench. Annabeth's logic made no sense because she was talking about making them into booze. "But aren't you supposed to turn people into statues? Not a fine assortment of alcoholic beverages?"

" _Hunnnn,_ this is a crack!fic. What did you expect me to do?" Medusa slurred, shoving the salad bar in front of the door, now slowly walking towards Annabeth.

"Wait, like, what?" Mary said, head cocked to the side.

"Wo-wouldn't their remains spill on the floor?" Grover asked, not even concerned about being turned into a whiskey. Just about the quality. Grover's priorities are _so_ straight right now.

"Grover! Get your priorities not gay!" Annabeth yelled, now up against the wall.

"Good question, Satyr. They actually turn straight into the bottle. Cool, huh?" Medusa said, starting to unwrap her shawl.

"NOBODY LOOK AT HER! I REPEAT – wait MARY WHAT ARE YOU DOING" ANNABETH SCREECHED THE AUTHOR FORGETTING TO LET GO OF SHift.

"Don't worry Annabeth, I got this," Mary calmly said as she kicked Medusa in the face.

"What the heck, Mary? I thought we were friends!" Medusa yelled as she stumbled backwards, swiping at the uber perfect girl.

Mary easily side stepped Medusa's claws. "I am your new god, Medusa. Fear me." Another kick in the face.

Medusa fell to the ground, hew shawl still covering her face. "Mary, hear me out – your word quota for this chapter is around 2k. If you kill me right now, how else will you fill that quota? I am _the_ only thing you're doing this chapter. What else would you fill the chapter with?" Medusa said, begging.

"Filler." Mary stated obviously, her face devoid of emotion as she kicked Medusa once more in the face, the Beer Maker fading into sand.

Grover and Annabeth stood in shock. "What? You guys should be used to this by now," Mary said, flipping her hair and shoving her hands into her jacket pocket, swaying her way through the pile of sand and out the door.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Annabeth and Grover, after they had gotten over their shock because it wasn't like they hadn't seen that happen, what, three or four times now? They had gone outside of the shop, into the dark, cold, unforgiving night, to find Mary Sue leaning up against the building… sleeping.

After they had shaken her awake, Grover asked, "Do-do you do this kind of stuff a-a-a lot?"

"Naw."

"Oh."

"That's all great and dandy guys, but how are we going to get to LA now? We missed our train, and no Mary, we _aren't_ going to hitchhike with hot dudes," Annabeth said matter-of-factly, Mary slowly lowering her raised hand.

"We-We could call in favor," Grover said quietly, as if not quite wanting to say it.

"Who?"

"W-Well, we'd have to go back to NYC, but I m-might know a guy who could hook us u-up…"

"Like, who?" asked Mary, surprisingly not on her phone.

"A-A Drug Lord."

"Are you _serious_ right now, Grover?" Annabeth asked.

"Wh-Who else do you think gets the Or-Oracle her weed?" Grover said, as if it was obvious.

"I thought it was the Demeter kids," Annabeth said.

"No, the Demeter kids _have_ pot, they just don't share it," Mary said, knowing this through experience.

"You guys are _terrible_ ," Annabeth said, standing up.

Taking Annabeth's hand, Mary pulled herself up. "Then, like, let's go."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"GROVER, BY "CALLING IN A FAVOR", I ASSUMED THAT YOU MEANT A FRIENDLY EXCHANGE, NOT STEALING FROM HIM!" Annabeth yelled as they ran away from large men shooting after them in a dark alleyway.

"AT LE-LEAST I GOT THE MONEY!" Grover yelled back, running into the street, frantically trying to hail a cab as the men rounded the corner.

As a cab pulled up, the three jumped into the back, all carrying their backpacks and duffle bags full of money. "Where too?" The cabbie asked.

Annabeth looked frantically over their shoulder, "Anywhere!"

"How, about, like, Vegas?"

"Wh-wherever the closest train station is."

"JUST GO!" Annabeth screamed as the sound of gun shots rang through the day.

"Alright, miss."

A few minutes later, the cabbie asked, "Running from the Cloud Nine gang, huh? What'd you do?"

"Just-"

"We stole some money," Mary interrupted Annabeth.

"Been there, done that." The cabbie said, nodding in understanding.

"True dat." Grover chimed in.

"Oh, my gods. You guys are monsters."

"Like, thanks, Annabeth."

 ** _Disclaimer_** **:** _I do not own Annabeth, Grover, Or anything related to Percy Jackson. I do own The Cloud Nine gang though. That's right, I am the leader of an illegal drug ring writing FanFiction._

 ** _AN:_** _I have nothing to update you on. There should be an update next Monday or Tuesday, so look forward to that. Again, this is self-beta'd, so any mistakes are because of me. Sorry if this wasn't too great, I had to write it in the middle of a family gathering to get it up on time. Not much else._

 ** _Definition Of The Chapter:_** _fanfiction_

 _Fiction written by crazy, obsessed fans of a book, tv show, movie, anime, etc._

 ** _/FondueIsDaBest13_**


	7. What is Filler? - Mary's Backstory!

"I found a dog." Mary said, walking up to where Grover and Annabeth were sitting.

They had been waiting at the Train Station in Jersey for the train going to St. Louis to get there. They would be transfer trains three times. The Train Station wasn't very crowded - Just a few people. It was the early morning, and since their train wouldn't be there for a while, Grover and Annabeth decided to sit on a bench and nap or whatever, while Mary went off to explore.

"A what?" Annabeth asked.

"It's a poodle. It can talk. Say hi, poodle," Mary said, shaking the small poodle in her arms.

"Much wow. Such train. Very station," The poodle said.

"D-dear Zeus. Th-that's a really rare k-kind of poodle," Grover said, suddenly interested.

"Yea. A Kawaii talking one."

"N-no… a Meme Dog," Grover said, a hint of reverence in his voice.

"Much meme," The poodle said to Grover.

Grover bowed. "My-my liege. I would be honored to serve you."

"…what's even happening right now?" Annabeth asked.

"Very doge."

"Of course, I would die for you," Grover said, now on one knee.

Mary kicked him lightly. "Get up. It's my dog."

"SUCH KILL!" The poodle yelled at Mary, obviously offended. The dog then looked at Grover, barking a "Many Trash" and nodded. Grover nodded back, suddenly eyeing Mary.

"…I'm still really confused right now," Annabeth said.

"M-My lord Jesus "The Meme Doge" has to-told me Mary is a threat to the honorable Meme Church… and that I must kill her," Grover said grimly.

"Wat." Annabeth said, still sitting on the bench.

"FOR DOGE!" Grover yelled as he tackled Mary, the dog, himself, and Grover's attackee all falling to the ground.

"For the love of –" Annabeth muttered, jumping into the fray.

 ** _Opening Theme_**

"W-W-Where did our lord and sa-savior, Meme Doge go?" Grover asked.

The train had finally come, and Annabeth had dragged Grover and Mary by the collar to the back of the train. They where currently seated in an almost empty car, with a couple a few rows in front of them. The AC was turned all the way up, which Annabeth found odd, even for it being the middle of summer.

"We left it back at the station, which, like, isn't very kawaii," Mary muttered, sunk down in her seat, sulking. She had wanted a pet dog. Not an idol for Grover to worship.

After a second of thinking, Grover shot up like a bullet. "I must convert the train to Meme-ism," Grover said, walking up to the couple sitting in front of them, not even looking back at Annabeth and Mary.

"…okay then," Annabeth said.

Soon, Grover had given the couple a copy of the Meme Bible, and continued onto other cars to preach the good word of Doge. Mary and Annabeth sat there, just staring at each other. It was odd, since by that point, Mary probably would have taken her phone out, and Annabeth would have been reading. It almost seemed like the author wanted to do something….

"Backstory," Annabeth said, reminding the author what he was going to do this chapter. "Let's talk about backstory, Mary."

"Way to be blunt, Annabeth," Mary said, blowing the hair out of her face, trying to seem reluctant about talking about herself.

"C'mon," Annabeth said, smiling.

"Oh, alright, you little rascal," Mary said, smiling back.

"So, how are you even a demigod?" Annabeth said, leaning back into her seat, writing above her saying "Annabeth Chase – Asking The Hard Hitting Questions and Getting Straight To The Point", and no, that wasn't a Fall Out Boy song title.

"Well, one day mommy and daddy had just a little too much wine…"

"Ew, no," Annabeth said. "Like, how are you a demigod and not a minor god?"

"Well…" Mary said, a sad expression crossing her face. "Mom said something was wrong with me. Like, I had a disability, or something. Actually, that's mostly all I remember of my mom. Her telling me I was a disappointment. Most of the time she made the Muses watch me. I never got to see dad much, either."

"That's… sad." Annabeth said.

"I guess. I mean, I guess it kind of understands why I'm kind a jerk though. My parents are kind of known for being stuck up, annoying brats," Mary said, looking down at her lap. "I don't know. Not too much really happened in my childhood. It was mostly just playing with the Muses."

"Were the Muses cool?" Annabeth asked.

"Yeah, they taught me how to act and sing, and, like, stuff, I guess. They were pretty cool."

"Did you ever go to school?" Annabeth said, sitting on the edge of their seat.

"Naw. I mostly hung out with my boyfriend when I was twelve to like, a few months ago. He asked me out a year or so ago... but he ran away. Or, that's what his dad said. I think something happened to him. He wasn't like me, though – he was a normal demigod. Idk why he lived on Olympus…" Mary mused.

"What was – I mean, is he like?" Annabeth inquired.

"Sort of a goofball. He was really loyal though, and had the greenest eyes – I don't know, I don't really want to talk about it," A sulking look back on Mary's face.

"What about you?" Mary asked, turning the tables. "I know most fic readers know your backstory, but I, the author, decided to change it in order to make this chapter," Mary said, I, the author, interjecting her thoughts.

"Well, I actually had a pretty good life. My dad was awesome. But then he remarried to a woman who had a pair of twins. They hated me. So, I ran away at seven," Annabeth said wistfully.

"That's when I met Grover. He was traveling with another demigod, Luke, the hot Hermes counselor. Grover had picked up my demigod scent, and they tracked me down. They had another girl with them – a child of Zeus, Thalia. There was another guy too – I don't remember his name. A son of Poseidon? Or maybe Morpheus. I can't remember. He died soon after they found me. I had been traveling across the country, and apparently a clan of Giants had been tracking me. It got messy…" Annabeth said, looking out the window. "Thalia and the boy died." A flash of sadness passed Annabeth's face.

"…oh." Mary said after a moment.

"Yeah."

"I'm –" Mary started to say, when Grover ran into their car, screaming his head off.

"Grover! Are you okay?" Annabeth said as she and Mary ran up to him.

"I-I-I saw-" Grover stuttered out before he fainted.

Annabeth noticed the couple staring at them. "It's a sickness. Called faintusitis," Mary told them.

"Darn it Mary, at least be convincing." Annabeth said. Getting up from Grover's unconscious body, she walked to the couple. "He suffers from social anxiety."

"Annabeth, my answer was much more kawaii."

"Shhhh."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Mary, was throwing them out the window really necessary?" Annabeth asked.

"They knew too much."

After Mary had thrown the poor, vacationing couple out a window – it was surprising they were able to squeeze through – and they had gotten the fainted Grover off of the ground, a crackling voice spoke through the intercom.

 _"_ _Is – is it on? It is? Oh, um – we will arrive in St. Louis in thirty minutes. Go sightseeing. Go to a baseball game. Destroy the Arch. Please yell at the Attendants if you had any troubles."_

"…is he serious?" Annabeth asked.

Grover then popped up from the seat he was sleeping in. "I-It sounds li-li-like foreshadowing t-to me."

"Shut up, Matsuda," Mary said, knowing the author was tired of that gimmick and wanted to say it one last time.

"Jeez, the amount of forth wall breaks this chapter are legit," Annabeth said.

"Like, obvi," Mary said, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh." Annabeth said, sitting down next to Grover. She started to stare at the wall, suddenly contemplating life as she knew it.

"…ar-are you o-o-okay, Annabeth?" Grover asked after a minute.

"One day, we're all just going to die. Or be left forgotten on a laptop. Or – even worse – _killed off by our author._ Doesn't that trouble you at least a little bit?" Annabeth said, grabbing onto Grover's shirt, surprising him.

"Please don't hurt me," Grover whispered, cringing.

"Hey, you didn't stutter," Mary notice, cocking her head to the side.

"What?" Grover asked.

"You. You didn't stutter. I bet the stupid author thought that gimmick was annoying too," Mary muttered, flipping her hair. "I guess I better update everyone on OlympiansBook about this," Mary said, walking out of the car.

"Mary, where are you going?" Annabeth asked, finally releasing Grover.

"I don't know. Maybe meet some dudes. Flirt. Discuss the Meme Bible with people," Mary said, ticking each thing off with a finger.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" Annabeth asked, while Grover screamed "I KNEW YOU WORSHIPPED THE ALMIGHTY MEME DOGE AS WELL, MARY. MY LIFE'S WORK FINALLY CAME TRUE."

"Yeah, I have a boyfriend," Mary said, ignoring Grover. "Doesn't mean a girl can't live a little, you kno ;)?"

"How did you wink like that?" Grover said, Mary groaning bc no one would let her leave this stupid train car.

"I LIEK, DON'T KNOW, OKI BECKY?!" Mary yelled.

"…my name isn't Becky." Grover said, a hurt look on his face.

"Obviously. Ugh. I'm stuck with a bunch of idiots."

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _I do not own Percy Jackson._

 ** _Author's Note:_** _Sorry for missing last Tuesday's update. I had all sorts of stuff going on Sunday through Wedsnday, and I thought I'd be able to cram in a few hours for writing a chapter, and it didn't end up happening. Wow though – longest chapter so far, I believe. Funny that's a filler chapter. That may say something about me… but whatever. At least it's funny (?). I would like to apologize for all the 4_ _th_ _wall breaks but I can't find it in me. We should have another update Saturday or Sunday though, so remember that._

 ** _Definition Of The Chapter:_** _The Forth Wall._

 **** _The thin line that exists between a story and reality. When a character in a story tells the reader in some way that they know that they are a character in a story, that is called 'breaking the fourth wall'._

 _Character 1: The author is a jacka** who can't write me properly.  
*Crashing noise*  
Character 2: Well, there goes the fourth wall._

\- _Via Urban Dictionary._

 _Have yourselves a good day._

 ** _/FondueIsDaBest13_**


	8. UPDATE

**Hey Guys! No, this is not an actual update. But I need to let you guys in on some things. First -**

 **My school is starting backup, along with my family moving, more family coming into town the next two weeks, and a large case of writer's block, expect weekly updates. Don't get your hopes up, but most likely weekly.**

 **THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS FOLLOWED, FAVORITED, AND REVIEWED THIS FIC. IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME.**

 **Well, I guess that's it. I thought there'd be more. Anyways - have yourselfers a good.**

 _ **/FondueIsDaBest13 2k15**_


	9. The Suite Life Of Mary and Annabeth

Lol I'd recommend She's Kinda Hot by 5 Seconds Of Summer to listen to this chapter. Although it has nothing to do with the chapter, that's all I've listened too.

One train exit, a lens glare, two musical numbers, and a monster fight later, the trio were happily sipping coffee at the Starbucks across from the Arc, which was paid by all their drug money. Annabeth gazed dreamily at the Arc, ignoring the Double Whip, Three Cream, Caramel Pumpkin Electric Frapo-Mapo-Chinchilla-Chino infront of her. Mary scrolled down her phone, sunk down in her seat.

Annabeth tore her gaze away from the Arc. "So, why did you come into the train car screaming, Grover?"

"Wait, what?" Grover asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Bruh, you, like, totally ran into the car screaming earlier," Mary said, looking up from her phone.

"No, I feel asleep as soon as the train started," Grover said, his brow furrowing.

"Grover, you went to go convert the train to Meme-ism, and then ran into the car screaming and fainted," Annabeth slowly, as if Grover was dumb.

"No, I definitely-"

"Grover, do you have Short-Term Memory loss? Like, Dory?" Mary said, leaning across the table towards Grover.

"Wait, I think I remember something…" Grover said, scratching his head.

"What is it?" Annabeth inquired, scooting closer to Grover, all their fraps left forgotten.

"I think…" Grover said, his eyes suddenly lighting up. "We need to destroy the Arc! That's what Percy did!"

"Wait, Percy?" Annabeth and Mary said in unison, chapters of subtle hinting suddenly locking into place.

"Yeah! Percy from Harry Potter!" Grover said, excited.

"Oh," Annabeth said softly, both her and Mary's spirits sinking. I'm pretty sure he never did that," Annabeth said, sinking down in her seat.

"Well, if you consider cannon. There was this _one_ fic I read where Percy came to America and burned down every national monument," Grover said.

"I'm sorry – what?" Annabeth said.

"Let's, just, like, go to the opening theme."

 ** _Opening Theme_**

"Wait, why are we in Denver?" Grover asked, as they were sitting at a train station in, if you couldn't tell, Denver, where the trio had just gotten off.

"That's a good question, weren't we supposed to blow up the Arc?" Annabeth asked, looking up in down the desolate train station. It was about noon, but the sky was a dull gray, and there was a slight chill in the air, despite it being July.

"Writer's block," Mary told them, Grover and Annabeth nodding in an "ohhhhh" kind of way.

"I guess we should go find a place to eat, and find something to do until the Vegas train gets here." Annabeth suggested.

"What time is the train getting here?" Grover asked, getting up, holding onto the slings of his backpack.

"Seven," Annabeth said, standing up next to Grover.

"Only seven hours isn't _that_ bad," Mary rationalized.

"No. Seven in the morning. Tomorrow." Annabeth said, walking towards the train station exit.

"WHAT," Mary yelled, jumping up. "That's, like, _uber_ early. Too much."

"I'll have to set my alarm," Grover groaned.

"Yeah. Let's go find a place to eat," Annabeth muttered, two groaning peers behind her.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Hey Sweetie Pie. Sheep Face. Wise Girl," An older man with a buzz cut and scars covering his body said, sliding himself into their booth. He had the body of a wrestler, and cool sunglasses covering his eyes. A leather jacket, hung over his biker shirt, rested over his shoulders, despite the fact it was One-Hundred degrees outside. Mary groaned, while Grover and Annabeth looked at the man, confused.

"And _who_ are you?" Annabeth asked, glancing at the bowie knife strapped to his belt.

"I told you to leave me alone, daddy. This is my quest," Mary said, flipping her hair, looking away from her father.

"Wait, dad – _holy crap Ares,_ " Annabeth said, her back straightening.

"That's right. The one and only," Ares said, tapping his fingernails on the table.

"Oh my gods oh my gods oh my gods oh my gods," Grover said, eyes bulging. "It's really Ares. I love you. Your work in the original _Hephaestus TV_ television series _Sparta – Watch Out, Losers_ , was amazing. I own every season on DVD."

"You still use DVD?" Mary asked, looking up from her brooding.

"Doesn't everyone?"

"That's not the point, kiddies," Ares said, motioning over a waitress. "You see, me and Cuddly-Pumpkin's mom where in Denver the other day, ah… _having a bit of fun,_ if you get what I mean," Ares said taking off his sunglasses and winking.

"oh mY GODS," Mary shouted, mortified. "NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOU AND MOM WERE DOING LAST WEEKEND."

"We only went out to dinner then cuddled to Modern Family. Does the idea that I and your mother had a nice, quiet, quality evening together _really_ disgust you so much?" Ares said.

"Yes."

"I just need you guys to retrieve something. Aphrodite left her scarf in the hotel. She wants it back before housekeeping comes along," Ares said.

"Why can't she get a new one?" Annabeth rationalized.

Ares paused. "You could say, it's… special."

"But I don't want to, daddy," Mary whined.

"No phone for a month."

"Of course we'll find it, daddy."

"Good, now the location of the hotel and room is here," Ares said, sliding a piece of paper in the middle of the table. "I made a reservation for you guys to stay the night too, but I'd suggest going there and getting checked in quickly. Have fun. Meet me back here when you find it."

Ares stood up, putting his sunglasses back on. He strode out the diner like a boss, poofing out of existence once he stepped out the door. Smoke dispersed where he was standing not but a moment ago.

"Joy," Mary muttered, sinking back down into her seat again.

"Your dad is certainly a… character, isn't he?" Annabeth asked, her eyes trailing after the fading puff of smoke.

"He had his own TV show besides _Sparta._ _Keeping Up With The Olympians,_ the most popular reality show since _Survivor._ You _have_ to have a personality to be on that show," Grover said matter-of-factly.

"Oh."

"C'mon, guys. Let's, like, get to the hotel," Mary said, huffing as she got up, regretting the fact that they didn't get any food. "Let's just get this over with."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"This is globbin' ridiculous," Annabeth said as they rifled through the room, trying to pretend Grover didn't just kick open the door with his weird goat feet.

"It could be, like, _anywhere_ now," Mary groaned, flopping down onto the bed.

They had broken into the room, only to find housecleaning had already taken care of the mess Mary's parents had made. Despite all the places they had looked – the bathtub, under the table, and, in one case, under the balcony – it was nowhere to be found.

"Looks like we'll have to go down to the laundry room. Room Service probably already got it," Grover said, peeping up from under the mini fridge, where he had currently been looking.

"Zach and Cody style?" Annabeth asked, a mischievous smile on her face.

"Heck yeah," Mary answered, mirroring Annabeth's smile.

"I call Cody," Annabeth said.

"I'm down with Zach."

"Who am I?" Grover asked, furrowing his brow.

Mary and Annabeth exchanged looks, smiling at each other. "…Thank god for Esteban," Mary and Annabeth said in unison.

"…oh, no," Grover moaned.

"OH YES."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Bellhop! Bellhop coming through!" Grover yelled, carting a tray through the fray of hotel workers, obviously awkward in the green suit.

"Grover, be a more convincing Esteban," Annabeth whispered from under the cart.

"Do you know how hard it is to capture all of Esteban's hidden pain from the old country? He is a _very_ complex character," Grover muttered through his teeth.

"He's the dumb bellhop from the country Doofenschimirtz came from," Annabeth retorted.

"No, Grover is right," Mary said, not bothering to check her volume despite trying to stay hidden. "Esteban is a very complex answer."

"OH NO, I AM NOT TALKING TO LITTLE BLONDE CHILDRENS," Grover shouted over Mary, undoubtedly attracting more stares.

As Grover parked the cart in front of the Laundry Room door, he leaned casually against the cart, giving the girls cover to get in. "Get in, get it, and get out, got it?" Grover muttered, checking his nails in an effort to stay casual.

Mary and Annabeth didn't bother to answer. They crawled into the room, the door slightly ajar. About six metal chutes poked out of the wall, all pointing to their own respective baskets. The walls where a dreary brown over concrete. Mary kicked the door close, getting up on two legs. Annabeth continued to crawl towards the big baskets full of laundry before she noticed Mary. Quickly getting up, Annabeth dusted herself off. "Where should we start?" Annabeth asked, looking from basket to basket.

"Let's go to the one with pinks. Mom loves pinks," Mary suggested.

"Better than nothing," Annabeth muttered, climbing into the basket, Mary following suit.

After a minute, they still hadn't found anything resembling a scarf. Sighing, Annabeth flopped on top of the clothes. "We'll never find it."

"Can I help you, girls?" A scratchy, older voice said.

Annabeth and Mary both raised their heads slowly, looking towards the source of the voice. An older hag of a man with a janitor's jump suit and out of place leather vest stood in the doorway, leaning on a mop cart.

"Um," Annabeth said, looking around frantically, wondering how the man had gotten through Grover, and trying to find an escape route. There were the laundry chutes – but it wasn't as if that would work.

"Yes, actually – do you know where a probably pink, fluffy scarf with sequins could be found around here?" Mary asked, hopping out of the large basket, walking over to greet the man.

"That'd be with the Lost and Found," The Janitor jerked his head to the corner, where, look at that!, a pink scarf lay.

"That's an odd place for a Lost and Found," Annabeth mused, forgetting the probable trouble they were in.

"Lost and Found, or, a big fat trap as the rest of us lesser know monster siblings call it," the janitor said, his 80's punk vest suddenly morphing into a pair of all too familiar leathery wings.

"A boy Fury?!" Annabeth said in shock.

"They call us the Mildly Annoyed," He growled as his entire body turned into a slightly more masculine, yet weaker version of a Fury.

"What did you do to Grover?" Mary asked, in a calm tone, fingering something in her back pocket.

"Knocked 'em out. I decided he could be used for questioning, plus his Esteban cosplay was fantastic," The Mildly Annoyed said.

"True," Mary said, knowing a spot on Esteban impersonation would come in handy.

"But I still have to take you to the Underworld. And since you sandbox'd my sisters, Hades sent me to take care of it," the Mildly Annoyed growled, swiping clumsily at Annabeth after the statement, which she easily side stepped.

He howled, taking yet another clumsy swipe, except at Mary. She also easily sidestepped this, quickly pulling a vial out of her pocket.

"What's that?" Annabeth asked Mary.

"Holy Water."

"Like, Supernatural Holy Water?"

"I got it off Ebay," Mary said, squaring off with the hag. They both mirrored the other's stance – spread legs, hands drawn to the side, a snarl on their face. After a beat, the Mildly Annoyed yelled, "COME WITH ME, IGNORANT DEMIGOD SCUM!"

It charged at her like a bull, to which Mary simply hopped to the side. The Hag slammed his head against the concrete floor, momentarily stunned. Mary popped the lid to the vial – it couldn't have contained much, but Mary chucked as much of it as she could on the monster. It might have only been a couple drops of water – but the Mildly Annoyed screamed, falling to its knees.

Mary walked up to him, and despite still being smaller then the hag on its knees, she towered above him. "When I was hell, I majored in pain," Mary quipped before punching the hag in the throat.

It disentagrated, an ear piercing, glass-shatteringly, baby-killing shriek that put most princesses and white girls when they see a mouse to shame.

A pause. Then, "You went to hell?" Annabeth asked.

"Yeah. Let's go," Mary muttered, kicking the sand pile in front of her out of spite. She marched out the door, hands stuck in her pockets and suddenly in a cranky mood.

Annabeth jogged to catch up to her. Wordlessly, they both picked up an end of the unconscious Grover in the hallway, and started carrying him through the hotel, hoping to get to the diner to rendezvous with Ares unnoticed.

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _I don't own anything._

 ** _Author's Note:_** _Not much except the last update, and I apologize for the misspells. I was writing it on a very small phone on the not mobile website, and trying to finish it really quickly. I won't be doing Definition of the Week anymore solely because no one benefitted from it. I didn't expect to update so quickly – it just sort of came to me yesterday. Longest chapter so far, I believe – about 2k? I don't know, I'm pretty proud of it._

 _Have yourselves a good day._

 ** _/FondueIsDaBest 2k15_**


	10. Filler La Filler

Song recs are Let's Dance by David Bowie, An oldie but a goodie, and Black Sun by Death Cab for Cutie. And Always by Panic! At the Disco and Headlight, and Rap God by Eminem. My music choice was all over today.

"Good job, kiddos," Ares praised. They were back at the Diner – and it was 6:45 in the morning. Their train left in fifteen minutes, and they didn't have any time to waste with Ares. At the same time, they couldn't very well blow off the God of War – he was the _God of War,_ for Pete's sakes.

"It was mighty nice of you kids to do this for me. As payment, I have you guys a ride to LA," Ares said.

"In all due respect, Sir Ares sir, we already-" Grover said in a small voice.

"We have a train to catch in fifteen minutes," Mary said, cutting off Grover. "So, no thanks."

"Too bad," Ares said, snapping his fingers with a loud crack.

There was a loud _pop_ from outside the Diner, and the trio turned their heads. Emerging from a puff of smoke, was a large, scuffed up truck labeled _Los Angeles Zoo._ Bits of hay stuck out the back, and the faint sound of a Kakashi – I mean, a David Bowie song seemed to be blasting loudly out of the car.

"…are you serious?" Annabeth said, filling the silence.

"You're welcome," Ares said, a wide smile on his face, as if he had given them the best present in the world.

"Dad, that is a _very_ not kawaii form of transportation," Mary said, a hint of disgust in her tone.

"Well, it looks like your train left –" Ares checked his watch. "30 Seconds To Mars ago. Are you going to walk?"

"Thanks dad," Mary said, voice crisp with sarcasm.

"Welcome sweetie. Have fun riding in the back of an animal transportation vehicle for eight hours."

"Wait what do you mean back-" Grover said, looking to where Ares used to be sitting.

"Joy," Annabeth said dryly.

 ** _Opening Theme_**

"Hay is really scratchy," Mary observed, as she delicately sat herself on top of a pile of hay, strategically placing herself as far away from the lion as possible.

In the back of the truck, they got stuck with the best animals ever – an overweight lion, a moose staring at the wall in an almost fetal position, and a sleeping zebra chanting what sounded like the Canadian national anthem under its breath.

"I find it quite nice," Grover told Mary, sounding hurt.

"You're a goat. You're meant to live in a barn. I, for one, am destined to better places," Mary said, her tone aloof.

"Knock it off, you two. This is going to be a long ride. I'd rather not have it full of yelling," Annabeth said, her voice stern.

Mary stuck her tongue out at Grover when Annabeth turned her back on the two, to which Grover replied with some sort of bleating goat raspberry.

"I SAID KNOCK IT OFF, YOU BAKAS," Annabeth yelled, striking them both over the head with two books which suddenly appeared in her hands.

Mary and Grover where knocked onto their faces, blood streaming out of their noses and head where Annabeth hit them. Like in the animus! "WHAT THE HECK, ANNABETH!" Grover screamed. "I AM NOT A SHRIMP, YOU'RE THE SHORT ONE!"

The author had obviously watched too much Full Metal Alchemist last night.

"Bruh," Annabeth said in an exhasperated tone to Grover. "It's like, seven in the morning. We had a nice, full night of sleep. Just take a nap. I'm sure the lion won't eat you."

The lion gave a halfhearted roar, as if to say, _you know, I would eat him if I wasn't trying to lose weight._

They all sat in their separate corners of the trailer, until the sound of a starting engine warned the trio in the stifling hot trailer they were a'goin. "What a run-on sentence," Mary muttered under her breath as the truck started with a jolt, sending her sitting body into yet another pile of hay.

"Wow, we're acting _way_ too irritated with this situation. I'm sure everything will be fine, I mean, come on – how often do you hear a sleeping zebra mutter the Canadian national anthem? Not too often, that's for darn sure," Annabeth said, a preppy undertone in her voice. "C'mon, let's play, like, truth or dare."

"Whhhhhhhy?" Grover moaned, chewing unconsciously on his shirt.

"Would you like Would you Rather?" Annabeth asked.

"I would."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Would you rather get down on one knee to Obama, and screech "WHAT'RE THOOOOOSE" or twerk with Benedict Cumberbatch?" Mary asked Annabeth with a completely straight face.

"Twerk with bae. Grover, would you rather read this fic or drown in the pits of hell?" Annabeth said, staring intensely at Grover.

"Drown in hell. Mary, lick a cannibal's elbow or throw down with the real slim shady?" Grover asked, the intensity intensifying.

"…well, looking at this logically, enticing a cannibal to eat me would end up better for me then pissing off Eminem," Mary said in a rational tone, Annabeth and Grover nodding in agreement. "However – Annabeth, would you rather listen to Meek Mill's playlist or Drake's?"

"I personally support Mill-" Annabeth said, cut off by Grover.

"MEEK MILL SUX!" Grover screeched, all up in Annabeth's face.

"Oh – okay then, Grover, would you rather vote Trump or Clinton?"

"Death." Grover said, suddenly serious. "Mary – would you rather be Straight Outta Controversial topics from iFunny or find the driest grass and scream "water those"?"

"You monster! I can't decide between those," Mary said, burying her head in her hands. "This is possibly the hardest question of my life. I – I think I have to say find the driest grass and scream water those."

"Solid choice," Annabeth said.

"Okay, Annabeth – Would you rather end this annoying filler or keep on trucking on?"

"I would rather keep on trucking on. Grover – would you rather Feature the spork, or give Leonardo Dicaprio an Oscar?" Annabeth asked Grover, burrowing herself into the hay.

"Hmmmmm… I think Leo really deserved the Oscar tbh," Grover said.

"No dude, you feature the spork," Mary said as if it was obvious.

"No, Leo."

"SPORK."

"LEO."

Then Annabeth hit them like in the animus!

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 _"_ _My name is Hazel."_

 _"_ _I'm a Zebra, 19, and I have an obsession with Canada." Bobi said, sitting on the small plastic chair, feeling uncomfortable._

 _"_ _Nice to meet you Hazel. I'm Joe, a Giraffe, if you couldn't tell," the circle of Animals Obsessed with Countries laughed. "And I used to have a strange obsession with Veitnam. We all know what you're going through."_

 _"_ _T-thanks," Hazel stumbled over her tounge, scratching her short mane with an awkward, nervous smile on her face._

 _"_ _Why don't we all introduce ourselves, okay guys?" Joe said._

 _"_ _My name is Nut. Twenty-Two. I'm a chipmunk, and I love Brazil."_

 _"_ _Jerry. Fifty-Seven, and a Turtle. I love Turkey."_

 _"_ _My name is Agustus Waters, Seventeen, and I believe life is a roller coaster." A handsome Horse said, and Bobi suddenly felt very self-conscious._

 _She noticed her pants sagged weird. She didn't brush her mane! And she was wearing pants! She was suffering from cancer! And Obsession with a country!_

 _"_ _HI AGUSTUS PLS MARRY ME," Hazel screeched._

Hazel woke up from her slumber. The humans were still in the trailer. _Ughhhh,_ she thought. _I WAS HAVING AN AMAZING FLASH BACK DREAM! WHY'D I WAKE UP! DA-oh, probably this._ Hazel said as she threw her lunch all over the nearest human.

"WTFLIP! YOU LITTLE NOT KAWAII PIECE OF-" the human screamed.

Hazel ignored her. _Oh, Agustus,_ Hazel thought, a tear rolling down her check. _I have cancer. I'm a zebra. My lover is dead. And – and I love Canada._

More tears slipped down her check.

"O Canada, Our home and native land," Hazel whispered under her breath, more tears rolling. "True patriot love in all thy sons command. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, The True North strong and free."

Hazel laid down, more tears streaming. "From far and wide, O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. God keep our land glorious and free, O Canada, we stand on guard for thee."

As Hazel started dying, because she's dying from cancer, she whispered, her voice hoarse with emotion, "O Canada, we stand on guard for thee."

And she died.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"…what did we just whiteness?" Annabeth asked, eyes on the zebra.

"Something _beautiful,"_ Grover whispered, wiping away a tear.

"IT THREW UP ON ME! THAT'S, LIKE, REALLY GROSS!" Mary screamed, hyperventilating.

"I-I think it just died," Annabeth said, ignoring Mary.

"IT'S A METAPHOR FOR MY LIFE!" Grover cried out, sobbing into his shirt.

"What in the _Hades_ just happened?" Mary said, astounded.

 ** _Author's Note:_** _WHAT'S GOOD ? Watup? Sorry for the super late update. I can only have my laptop in the living room now, and my parents don't want me reading or writing fic, so I wrote this over like, the course of a month. Sorry it's so short and filler-esque. I didn't have inspiration, all that junk. I wouldn't expect an update too soon. Again – I beta'd, and I don't own Percy Jackson. Have yourselves a good day._


End file.
